Life-Training-Love

I had a conversation with one of my beautiful nieces last night. We were talking about relationships, and her inability to really find herself and know what it is she wants, or who she really is. I reminded her of a past conversation we had years ago.
She told me that she’s glad I’m not her mother. I would like to share with you the reason for her statement.
She asked me one day if I would let my 16-year-old daughter date. If not, when would I allow my daughter to date? I told her no. I would explain to my daughter that I want her to study, enjoy being a young lady. I would want her to get to know who she is. Find out her likes and dislikes.
Now, there is a deeper part to that. We as women have been blessed with the ability to love selflessly, unconditionally.
With that in mind: at 16, my daughter gets her first crush. She says she’s in love with this boy. She begins to like the musical artist he likes. She begins to like the same food he likes. She loves the movies he loves, and the television shows he watch. Then they brake up. She’s heartbroken and soon discovers she’s lost her appetite, she doesn’t want to hear her music and look at her favorite TV shows. But, it’s not the food she loved, or the movies or TV shows she usually watches: it is the choices of her boyfriend. You see, we give our selves so wholly into our relationships, that we lose ourselves in the men we love.
So now she’s 18, new love, new life choices. Now 20, in college, Hallelujah, making good grades, but, another heartbreak, grades slip a little, but she gets back on track.
So now it’s my daughters graduation day from college. We are all elated! My daughter holds her degree in hand proudly. We get home and she seems sad.
What’s wrong baby? She says I don’t know mom. I’m glad about having my degree, but I just feel lost. I feel like I don’t know myself at all. Food doesn’t taste the same. I tried looking at TV last night to relax and got irritated. I tried listening to music and I became even more irritated. I then share with her that the food, the TV, the music she listens to, is all the choices of the past relationships she’s had. I explain that her choices were lost in the shuffle because she wanted to please her boyfriend; so she lost herself several times.
That’s why I would encourage my daughter not to date. Now from 16 to 18, I can control. But, I would hope that our relationship, and her relationship with God, would allow her to respect my wishes. I think that we, the church, need to stop following the traditions of the world and get back to training our children the way that God would have them to go. If we spend time teaching our girls and uplifting them in their lives and filling their lives with enrichment, they wouldn’t fill the need to need a boyfriend, or even desire to have one. Sure, they may see a boy they like and become friends. But lets teach them to keep their focus on growing, education and God.
Now I know a lot of parents would call this being too strict. I call it training up a child in the way he should go. I call it LOVE!